Meeting the Inner Slimeball

By August 17, 2020September 29th, 2020Transcripts, Read

Transcript from a meeting with James Eaton on 26 July, 2020

Q: Hi. I haven’t met you before. It’s great to be here, thank you.

James: Great to have you here . . . so just see what’s happening . . . heart beating . . . really check in with the body, see what the thoughts are saying.

Q: Yeah, the words that have been coming have been: a ‘stalker’, a ‘lurker’. I’m intrigued. There’s some kind of character who’s definitely lurking around off stage somewhere trying not to be seen, so pretty dodgy I’d say!

James: Yeah, a ‘voyeur’ lurking in the corner.

Q: A bit shifty. And I noticed during the meditation a very subtle agitation, and definitely a, “I’m not sure if I deserve this,” kind of character. So, ‘saboteur’, you name it, the heat’s rising!

James: Yeah, that’s it, stay with the rising heat.

Q: He’s a baddy. And it’s a HE. Although I’m a woman, it’s not a she, it’s a HE.

James: Interesting, yeah, the stalker in the bushes.

Q: Yeah, probably a clandestine flasher and all. [Q starts shivering with repulsion]

James: Yeah, great. So let’s let it come . . .

Q: Bleurgh . . . he’s a creep.

James: A creep . . . bleurgh . . . Disgusting, nauseating, poking around in the shadows.

Q: Yeah, so there’s fear he’ll be seen, but there’s also this idea of reclaiming the energy; so there’s quite a lot of fear about what the fuck is that energy . . . it’s sleaze.

James: Sleazy yeah, paedophilia, the worst of the worst, the most disgusting of the disgusting . . . let’s let it all come.

Q: It’s great to have the voice over!

James: Yeah, it’s great to be able to acknowledge these voices, rather than trying to push them away.

Q: And you spoke of original sin, guilt, not in the catholic sense, but this feeling of . . . I mean I’m pretending he’s out there, but of course this ‘slimeball’ character is here, and it goes back a long way.

(Silent connecting)

James: Right . . . that’s it . . . Keep feeling your feet, keep feeling your hands . . . presence . . . That’s it, letting the body stay open and letting it come . . .

Q: Yeah, so I’m definitely guilty. I’ve definitely done something wrong.

James: “I’m guilty”, “I don’t deserve to be here.” See what resonates for you.

Q: When you just said that I could feel it in my armpits for some reason.

James: So feel the armpits . . . “I don’t deserve to be here”, “I’m bad”, “I’m rotten.”

Q: [Q squirming] There’s a lot of squirm. Creepy flesh . . . [Q holds her throat] “I’ve got you, I’ve got you! You will not speak!”

James: Yeah, feel it there in the throat, put your hands there, loving hands now, like a support . . . that’s it. Yeah, anywhere on the body—this is for all of you who are listening too—anywhere it feels supportive, loving hands of presence. You are allowed. Here is the support . . . So letting this character emerge, this slimy, disgusting bleurgh, that is so repulsive it doesn’t even deserve to be, “I don’t deserve to be I’m so repulsive.” The energy to keep that one down—that’s a full-time job.

Q: Yeah, really.

James: Letting it come out . . . the beast, the serpent, the slimy, disgusting mess.

Q: And it’s a kind of like green bogeys [Q shaking]

James: Yeah, like green bogeys . . . slime, sludge, sludgy sludge.

Q: [Moving her body around]

James: That’s it, enjoy it! Really enjoy describing the sludgiest most disgusting, repulsive, gunky bile!

Q: Ghastly. That’s a good word.

James: Ghastly, gunky gloop.

Q: Gunky, sticky!

James: Sticky, yeah, rancid!

Q: Rancid, stagnant.

James: Stagnant, rancid . . . radioactive [both laughing]

Q: Like that mud that’s so fine it gets in between your toes.

James: Yeah, you can’t get rid of it. It gets in between every crevice . . . Being the space, allowing that . . . and if we can’t allow it, see what can’t allow it . . . Again, this is for all of you who are listening . . . see what says: “No, no, no get it away from me!”

Q: Well, actually there’s more space in here, and a certain glee. [Q smiling]

James: Yeah, beautiful. See that natural glee that comes as we start to allow: “Wow, look I can allow this, wow! What else can I allow? Oh, my god!” The sense of freedom, that’s the glee, the sense of possibility now, “I don’t have to hide all this. What else don’t I have to hide?”

(Silent connecting)

Q: It’s so heavy to carry.

James: Yeah, very dense.

Q: Very, very ignorant, a sort of ignorant-dense; the density of, I want to say, my own ignorance.

James: Yeah, or we could say ignore-ance—it’s when we ignore our true nature. This may sound a bit cosmic, but think about the big bang, when being goes to the utmost extremity of self-forgetting, its densest most forgetful state: impenetrable self-ignore-ance.

Q: And severance.

James: Severance. Yeah . . . isolated . . . split off.

Q: It’s like a spear right down the core, and the point is fixed, and everything is narrow in that, and straight, and staccato . . . My eyes feel like they’re wobbling in my head, like something’s moving behind my eyes.

James: That’s it, let it move, let them wobble . . . Stay open, grounded. Being the space for all of this to emerge. Seeing that it’s okay, that there’s no problem.

Q: Yes, it’s like a tapeworm. I just want to haul it out. [Whispers] Get out, out.

James: Yeah, so see that, something wanting to get it out. Being just holds the whole thing, it has no agenda whatsoever. Being is already whole, it’s already complete; nothing to get, nothing to improve; that’s why it’s so powerful, because it can include everything, unconditionally; that’s why love always wins, because it can include everything, it has no opposite.

Q: Yes. So what’s happening now is I don’t want to look at you, because I know you’re right, but I don’t want you to be right. It’s that part that would still be lurking in the shadows, and shifting about, and suspicious, that has been hidden.

James: Yeah, so we meet that part and we say, “It’s okay, no one’s trying to get rid of you; we’re just seeing you, thank you for showing yourself, thank you for being here. Yeah, I see you. Welcome.”

Q: There’s something about, and I think it’s maybe more of a female body thing, but there’s something about welcoming the most ugly, disgusting, revolting thing, because I’m supposed to be beautiful.

James: ‘Sweet’, and ‘pure’, and ‘beautiful’, and ‘light’.

Q: Yeah, ‘good’; not all those other ‘bad’ things.

James: Yeah, ‘sweet and spice and all things nice’.

Q: Exactly! Precisely! Yeah, and I was good at it; but, oh my god, at what a price.

James: Yeah, we do pay a price for being ‘nice’, ‘sweet’ . . . “Sweet little one; isn’t she sweet?” . . . I’m just pressing in a little now, to see where that goes . . . “Sweet little one; isn’t she sweet?” Pat on the head . . . Keep listening, see what’s coming. I’m deliberately pressing in a little . . . see what’s coming . . .

Q: I’m extremely angry! I can feel it!

James: Yeah, that’s it, let it come. “Sweet little one; isn’t she sweet?”

Q: [Roaring]

James: That’s it, yeah. Get in touch with that energy now.

Q: No, she’s NOT!

James: Yeah, there we go, yeah!

Q: She’s a horrid little beast! [Q Laughing]

James: Yeah, “See my beast! See it!” [Laughing] Yeah, feel the energy in that. Have it, let it come through the body, owning it. Yeah, argh!

Q: [Moving her body]

James: Yeah, I see you!

Q: A proper tantrum! I WILL have a tantrum if I need one!

James: Owning the energy, owning it. Feel the heat of it in your body, so that it becomes your life force, to express authentically; not to act out and not to suppress, but to be with it, consciously, and then we own it. We’re like an artist, filling up our palette with all the different colours of energies that are available; none of them are off limits anymore, we are the master of our palette.

Q: I like that.

James: Then we can paint a masterpiece.

Q: I’m sick of the constraints! So many frigging boxes that I’ve got to tick and fit into.

James: Yeah, I hear you . . .

(silent connecting)

So as we open, in the end the intelligence can lead—the authentic intelligence; and we can show up optimally in each moment. Sometimes we have to tick the boxes, sometimes we have to play along, if that’s what the intelligence requires; and then sometimes we’re called to stand up and speak our truth, feeling supported by the universe.

Q: Without the bogeyman lurking in the shadows . . . I mean with them but you know, you don’t have to hide.

James: Yeah, with the bogeyman, he’s very welcome; but our identity isn’t there anymore, we’ve reclaimed that, the centre of gravity has moved, that’s why he can be welcomed. And the sweet little girl, she’s welcome too; pretending to be all things nice, to get the love of course, to get the acknowledgement, to get to be included—there’s always a reason behind it. The bogeyman feels disgusting and has to hide, because he’s too ashamed to be seen, too afraid; that’s why we can love them all, because we understand. The more we can meet these characters in ourself the more we can really be compassionate, because we see the same characters in us that we see ‘out there’.

Q: Yeah.

James: Yeah. And the angry one, the one who’s had it being boxed and labeled and told what to do, and where to stand and how to be, how to behave, including that one too. Seeing the whole repertoire. Welcoming them in, bowing to them. And who are we then? Once we’ve identified all these characters, when we’ve clarified them and bowed to them all, what’s left? Our being, aware being, this presence, this whatever-we-want-to-call-it, maybe we don’t want to call it anything . . . and that’s where our centre of gravity starts to remain.

(Silent connecting)

It’s interesting what’s coming to me now: you may be right about, as a woman, being less inclined to acknowledge that ‘disgusting’ side, but men struggle with it too; and also men and women both struggle with the opposite: the utterly sweet, delicate, tender side; so soft, so gentle, so vulnerable, so exquisitely delicate; being that sensitive, that soft, and expressing that delicacy . . .

Q: Yeah

James: That sensuous delight . . . it feels just too fragile somehow. But we can; we can allow that too. Now look at the range, look at the spectrum of possibility: from awesome power to that tender, exquisite delicacy.

Q: Yes. Thank you James.

James: Thank you so much.